Πέμπτη 13 Ιουλίου 2017

This is me


I can always remember myself as a kid, I loved to play football with the boys of my neighborhood. Girls didn't want to nail their clothes, or ruin their nails-in later years. Found so interesting police and mystery movies, than comedies. Couldn't tell I was a tomboy, just a girl with tough... interests.

I was still in high school when I started feeling seriously filled in with energy. Years passed, I grew up, finished college, got a job, no social life... until I met that guy.

Now I am 30 years old. Time finds me extinguish my energy in climbing and winter hiking. I am without a job for the last four years. I live with my friend, we have three lovely dogs. I spend my day at home. Trying to find a job. Trying new things that may fill me. Recently started a PMS in Computer Science. It costs a lot of money, I am not satisfied of the way it is taught. Sometimes, thoughts of stop spending my money on it, pass by. If it goes well, it may help me do something different, as always wanted to work among with the IT's. But it's so difficult. I'm not sure if I can make it. I find it so hard.

I am passionate in my job, always give the best of me. I know I can take tasks that haven't tried before, but the others just stay in my low profile and do not trust me. They cant see the glimpse in my eyes, my determination, they can't see how much I adore to work within a team. Being creative and thinking out of the box.

I don't know what to do... I have no time for myself, I feel like I'm drowning. Yet, I am still looking what I want to do in my life. And I am becoming older... friends in my age have already being married, having kids. I don't feel ready for this step. I probably will never feel ready. I don't know who am I. What I want to do. All I know is that adrenaline, inside me, is still breathtaking...
Want to get out and convert it in something helpful. Back in years I wanted to become a policeman, a fire fighter, or being in a rescue team. It was impossible at that moment.
But now, is it late? Should I bury this feeling and pretend I never felt it?
If I ignore it, it will chase me for the rest of my life, and won't leave me alone.
Last time I felt something equally strong, I made a choice and ended up with my love.
I strongly know that I am not just like the others. I can feel so deep a lot of things that can "drive" me in other ways.

I want to live my life as I can, in a very exciting way, do things just for me. Get hard trained, be free of family responsibilities. Want to make my life, in my way, not to be told what I should be doing at any moment.

I want to paint.
I want to play music tracks with other musicians.
I want to sing. To get my voice heard. I want to put all these feelings in a balance. Otherwise, I won't make it.

Want to learn things for me?
This is me.